Get What You Want

Time: 9 minutes.

Shifting To The Be→Do→Have Paradigm.

We always want something 'more' in life. Or something should be bigger or better, right? So we invent endless ways to achieve it, our creative minds in optima forma. That's why there are tons of books and blog post about this subject. But they are all based on doing in order to improve something, you know the  bigger and better formula... Like more clients, more money, more freedom, more success and more happiness...
But when you strip down the circumstances and you peel off the materialism, what you left with is just a state of being. So why is it that most of the widely spread content about this subject, doesn't start with changing your state of being in the first place? Because often we relate to 'being' as something that 'just happens' to us. 

Well, is it? Is your being something that just happens? Really? Just for a moment, a very brief moment, just take  it on, that you can influence your state of being. Then what would be your belief system in life if you want something? Wouldn't you start with the be part?

If you wrap up all the available belief systems about getting what you want, you can bring it down to three systems. Here they are:


If you want to have something in life you probably operate by the have→do→be formula. Let say you want to have a new car, or more money, or a relationship. We think that once we have this something, it will enable us to do something. Once I have a car, I will drive it down the street for my friends to see. Once I have more money, I will get myself out of debt. Once I have a relationship, I can fulfill my life. And when we do that something, we will be a certain way. Once my friends see me in my new car, I will be respected. Once I'm out of debt, I will be secure. Once I can fulfill my life, I will be happy.

This is by the way how ad campaigns works. And I know because I was working at an advertisement agency for almost a decade. 

Buy (have) our deodorant → nail (do) that presentation → be confident. 

The goal of the advertisement industry is to sell you anything and most of the time the entry is addressing a 'problem'. Are you insecure? Well, then buy or deodorant and you will be confident. But does it really work? That deodorant might make you smell more pleasant, but don't expect anything beyond that. If we as a society understood the limitations of our material goods to affect our state of being – whether it’s a stick of deodorant or a new car – we’d probably need to have a whole lot less. My conclusion is that the have-do-be formula in the end is not working, certainly if the higher goal is to be something. The deodorant wears off and our insecurities return. After a while the car is not new anymore. You might be out of debt, but your business prognosis is bad. And the other person in the relationship got some strange habits to. So, is there another system if I want to be something? Like being happy?


If you want to be something in life you probably believe in the do→have→be formula. Meaning that if you do the right things, you will have what you desire and only then you will be the person who deserve those things. We even try to archive emotional states with this formula.

For example, if you believe that the only way you can be truly happy is in a specific kind of relationship, you set out some actions and do what you believe is best to find that 'perfect mate'. You do things like signing up at dating sites, following all the dating advice, in order to have the desired relationship. And finally you believe that this relationship allows you to be happy. And a bunch of other stuff that you think you will be when you have that perfect relationship. Like being a loving person, being compassionate, a good partner, successful and so on.
By the way, if we want to be happier in life, this system is for most of us our holy grail. We stick to it like there's nothing else. We also believe that it can fulfill our desire of love. And when that fulfillment isn't happening, feelings of rejection, loneliness and hate are all over the place. Some of us are even willing to die or to kill for it.

But in the end, that belief system of, "If I do what I need to do, I'll get what I want to have, then I can be the person I've always dreamed of being," is not working as well. Why? Because you behave like a donkey chasing a carrot. It will be a struggle for most of the time, and failure is the rule rather than the exception.

'If I get my degree I will be happier. Then, if I get my first job I will be happier. Then, if I get married I will be happier. Then, if I get children I will be happier' etc, etc, etc, ....the donkey chasing a lot of carrots.... 

The person you have been being, is not going to think, act and react in a way that is going to get you to your goal.


So is there another system that you can apply, based on the nature of human being, if you want to be something in life? Let's have a look at the be→do→have model. In my experience this is the most powerful system, because it is not based on circumstances. Therefore it starts from an unusual place, most of us don't know this one. Because we are so trained in doing something in order to get something.

This model starts with nothing. Actually, it starts with everything. It starts with the realization of your wholeness. That who you are as an human being is whole and complete. You are lacking nothing and you are confident. Now you do that presentation in a way that confident people do. Rather than presupposing what will make you confident. You don't need deodorant to be confident. When we begin to understand the limitations of our material goods, we start acquiring stuff on an as-needed basis, not a this-will-change-my-life basis. This leads to a lot less stuff and, perhaps just as important, a lot less disappointment – we finally stop expecting our stuff to make us happy. By the way from a environmental point of view, it could really shift the way we treat our planet.

If you look at the example of the relationship, the be→do→have model is a real game changer. It alters the context of the relationship totally. Be the person who you would be if you already had achieved your desired relationship, then you will do the things that a fulfilled person would do, which will allow you to have exactly the relationship that you want.

This kind of relationship will always work (unless you choose to end it). Because you are not in the relationship trying to get some satisfaction out of it - because you already are fulfilled. The only thing left to do is, 'what can I contribute to the relationship in order to let it work under all circumstances.' Therefore the circumstances are not dictating who you are being, but you are.

The common confusion that arises using the be→do→have model is it’s tempting to believe that you can just decide to be somebody different starting right this second. It's not about being somebody different. You are still the same you. Another misinterpretation is that you have to change your personal characteristics. It's not about that either.  Also changing the circumstances has nothing to do with who do you want to be.

In order to be something, just be. If you want to be happy, be happy. Do the things in a way that happy people would do. Because happiness is a outcome of your behavior. Everybody can do this, it's allready part of you. Nothing more, nothing less. It is that simple.

I'm not saying that shifting your present paradigm to the be→do→have model is simple. But I can truly say that after a lot of practicing the be→do→have model, it is powerful and works under all circumstances. I've also started to understand what it takes to cultivate and re-create a new way of being over and over again. Like all disciplines, practice, practice, practice. Wax on, wax off...Tip: ask for coaching!


If you intend to be something in your future life and are looking at it through your rear view mirror, you are acting like the donkey chasing the carrot. And if you don't get what you want, the only thing you can think of is changing your actions. And if you don't get the result after that, you will try harder, and harder... An obsession is lurking.  The struggle, the failure, the drama.... There's no freedom present.

But if you're coming from your realization of being complete, the state of  'it is ok - no matter what,' you are literately surrounded by freedom, you are freedom. Now you can see your future life free from constraints, free from (mental) blockades. It is like a blank page, ready to be filled with wonderful opportunities. The be→do→have model will support you in fulfilling all these possibilities.

My conclusion; the be→do→have model works under all circumstances. And like all transformation processes, it's all about rewiring your brain. Once you know how to ride it, you will never forget. Trust me, it is easier than it appears.

Begin today to act, to live, to be the person you would be if you had already achieved your goal. What would you focus on? How would you carry yourself? How would you look at finances? What would you be doing to be healthy? How would you treat yourself? How would you treat others? What would your relationships be like?

Begin -being- NOW! You are the creator of your future reality. Do something today that your future self will thank you for.

About the Author

Joeban Machiel - Life Enthusiast. Possibilizer. Coach.

With today's stand of more than 1 million views and thousands subscribers I want to leave you here with an experience, rather than to merely impart new information. Don’t just take it as value what you read, test it out and see if it works for you. In any case, even the truth, when believed, is made up. You must experience the truth, not believe it.

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